


We've been sorry all along

by BrokenTourniquet



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Love Confessions, Minor Injuries, au's based on tumblr stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-06 00:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4201272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenTourniquet/pseuds/BrokenTourniquet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla has trouble aiming her anger and frustration the right way, it's always explosions. She's had enough of being used. Laura's not using her but that's not what Carmilla thinks. </p><p>Of course Laura would get run over by a group of cyclists. If anyone would it'd be her. Nothing serious both are thankful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We've been sorry all along

**Author's Note:**

> SO here's the deal okay? this is a quick thing so it sucks probably. I needed to write something to set my mind at ease. (totally makes sense ik) and I saw this thing so it inspired this fic: http://darktonic.tumblr.com/post/122354818145/baumanelises-ok-but-imagine-a-hollstein-fake
> 
> ANYWAYS, if you'd like more or want to see a multichap (probably of the two weeks or what comes after this) let me know. I'd be willing to write it if people wanted to see it.

There's a complicated simplicity about this situation and these actions. It's simple because it's  _her_ , it's them, only them in this dark lit room. It's simple because she can hear her heart beat against her ribcage telling her what she doesn't want to hear but confirms. It's simple because of the woman with her sighing and biting her lip underneath her as her fingertips grip her hips pulling her closer with more than hungry eyes. It's simple because the woman only keeps her eyes on her and refuses to look anywhere else. It's a simple pain she's bearing.

It's complicated because it's her, them, only them in the room with nothing but the moonlight highlighting her would be lover's body that's underneath the sheets turned over as the soft purple sheet caresses every curve she has sleeping soundlessly and comfortably. It's complicated because her heart is being against her ribcage she can feel it when she doesn't want to think about it or the consequences. It's complicated because now the woman is asleep next to her and all she can do is watch her turn over still asleep watching her chest rise and fall as pain fills her chest. It's complicated because now the woman is more than she intended and it scares her, confuses her even. It's a complicated pain she's bearing.

There's something about the way the girl sleeps under the sheets that make Carmilla realize the purple of the sheets accents her features and skin. Then she leans over brushing hair out of her face and frowns at the simple beauty before her. Carmilla herself can't sleep at the thoughts that form in her head and how they just might be right about this situation but she doesn't want to think about it at the moment. She just watches and notes every place the moonlight touches because she's touched they areas now. She feels like there should be joy in that, that she finally beat the moon to something (as stupid as it sounds) but there's not. Just remorse. Just nonsense.

Carmilla holds her breath refusing to let out the shaky sob at the memory of how it all started. Laura was just supposed to be her cover willingly to help keep her family off her ass about a nonexistent love life she didn't have anymore since- she shakes her head. This was supposed to be a week or two than they were off the hook, it wasn't supposed to be anything. Laura was funny in the way that she never left Carmilla alone finding ways to worm herself into her life cementing a place in the foundations. Laura never gave up, maybe faltered but never gave up and honestly that was so endearing. Before Carmilla knew it Laura was permanently in her life, sitting with her at lunch time, hanging out with her despite protests after school, even stood tall when Carmilla would push her away literally and figuratively out of pain of her own problems, and now she doesn't bother to wonder what life was like before. Laura snuck in and took her place earning it respectively. For the first time, Carmilla actually took pride in the fact she had a best friend, hell even Laura's nerd group became something like a family. They didn't care like Laura did, but it was something.

Next thing you know out of shock to everyone she grew up with, she actively seeks Laura out offering to walk or drive her home, she's small and independent, but Carmilla doesn't care. Carmilla likes the company actually of a warm smile and tight arms wrapped around her when Carmilla feels something is up and shows up at her house being let in by Laura's father with donuts and junk food in hand knowing exactly where to find her. Carmilla likes seeking her out when she's sick and staying the night to take care of her when Laura's father is gone. Carmilla like the smiles, hugs, words, and the world that is Laura Hollis. You might even say she's become addicted to it in a weird way, overprotective perhaps. She's been in a couple of fights the past week for Laura and she's happy with herself even when Laura lectures her wiping the blood away pouting at her.

But It wasn't supposed to be this. It wasn't supposed to be more and she wasn't supposed to recognize the feeling in her gut when she saw Laura with the cloth in her hand wiping the blood from her eyebrow. She wasn't supposed to stare in those goddamn eyes and grab her hips. She wasn't supposed to hesitate but ultimately pull her into a quick kiss. She wasn't supposed to stare into those eyes for acceptance. She wasn't supposed to find something and let things evolve. Now here she lays watching her best friend breathe and think it's the best thing in the world because she's the best thing in the world. Her heart isn't supposed to be tearing itself at the negative thoughts she's let seep into her.

Carmilla has never thought she was good or even close to okay. She's never been that way. In fact she's believed for the longest time she's a curse, a distant curse pulling out the bad in people making them run away screaming murder. It wouldn't be far from the truth would it honestly? She didn't think so. When she was in that accident and she lost the life of the person who she considered her all she vowed to never go through that again, to lose another life to the curse she was. She met Laura and thought maybe just friends, best friends was close but far enough way she'd be safe. Laura brought out the best in her demented existence always making it a little lighter and helping her change in some way it was a damned miracle. Laura was like a firefly during the night and Carmilla had no idea how she'd landed in her hands. She didn't regret that at all. She regretted what she was going to do.

Laura was just supposed to be a play pretend thing, and Laura agreed to that respectively. They'd still be best friends. That's what she thought. Carmilla was supposed to do the same for Laura. Get her father off her back then they'd be back to normal. Then she had to kiss her and Laura had to kiss back with relief. The problem was Carmilla couldn't believe a good thing happened. The couple of kisses they shared were faked and simply for the satisfaction of others, so this had to be too. Carmilla felt that for Laura this was just a part of the game and she felt sick at that. People had played her like this before, get close enough to touch her and then never mean it. Never mean the whispers or kisses and the fact Laura had done that had played her- she couldn't stand that. Her walls crumbled and she was done. Done with the pretending and yelling. She was done with everything.

Carmilla couldn't sleep that night watching her sleep with confusion and pain build up in her chest until she felt no other choice but to get up and throw a shirt on before sitting at the small table in her apartment kitchen and contemplating her thoughts. Her choice almost felt clear and her heart feared that. To be played by the goddamn woman you loved was almost unbearable as was now. So she waited for Laura, refusing to wake her up in the fury she felt building up. This was her. Hold it in till it exploded, funny how it usually exploded onto Laura. This was no different right? No, it was. She gave herself to her last night.

An hour later if anyone came by her place they'd find her curled up on the couch, eyes rimmed red with crying and hear her sniffles. She's never broken like that so quickly. As soon as Laura stood her ground telling her they had to talk about it that it wasn't fair Carmilla thought that Laura was playing her, that Laura had just used her, that their deal was done, Carmilla let loose of all the anger and frustration she had built up those two weeks and let it all loose on Laura who only nodded refusing to cry in front of her as she grabbed her things and left. Carmilla felt instant regret and tears strolled down her face as she opened her mouth to say something to apologize but couldn't as Laura left in a hurry. Carmilla curled into herself on the sofa and sobbed refusing to care if anyone heard her or not. She let loose the sadness and felt it replaced with guilt.

When she weekend was over and school started again after the weekend of cries and pain, she found herself shocked in the universities hall that Laura had asked Danny for the biggest favor ever. She changed her schedule, eventually the dean would realize and force her back to her old one but it gave Laura enough to time to relax and avoid Carmilla. As soon as Laura saw her in the hall she froze, tears brimming her eyes and walked the other way. Carmilla wanted to run to her, catch her arm, to apologize, but she was still frozen. That day she abandoned school. Just for the day she was at various places trying to find a place that would calm her nerves. Call her brain. She found none.

Laura continued to avoid her and in return she found herself avoiding anyone that Laura was associated with. It felt like that cemented place Laura had made in her life was suddenly ripped up leaving nothing but emptiness and guilt in her place. She couldn't blame anyone but herself either and that made it worse. She sighed deeply and let it fill her. She didn't stop it and wouldn't even try. She deserved that, she had just fucked up. She had been confused and fucked up because of it.

Carmilla found herself at her apartment in the complete dark again. It seemed to hurt a little less when there was darkness. She was laying on her couch legs crossing and watching mindless television in her clothes she hadn't changed out of yet. She hadn't gone anywhere and felt the need for nothing take hold. She hadn't wanted to do anything because doing the wrong thing would make her brain overwork and think about the girl she loved. She knew love was a strong word but it wasn't one she used lightly. She hadn't even told her own mother she loved her in years for that simple reason. You wanted her love you had to earn it, and Laura had done more than earn it.

Tonight was had drowned out the show and sounds with the emptiness and laid there, her arms crossed as she frowned. She was brought back by a knock at her door that made her jump at the sound in surprise and groan. It was probably her neighbor asking for another cup of sugar or something tedious like she had done so many times before. Honestly she thought the woman either liked annoying her or had a problem with her. The woman had great memory and never missed a thing but it always seemed to be at the moment she'd drown herself out in thoughts or nearly be asleep the damned woman would show up and argue with her until she had what she needed or told to go the fuck away. Honestly Danny was a handful at times. She cursed under her breath trying to find the right come back to say to her this time with full force. She just wanted to be the fuck alone, how hard was that to understand? Apparently, very.

Carmilla's mouth hung open mid word as she looked to find the figure in front of her. It was honestly a shock, it was fall so it was no surprise to find Laura's shoulder up as far as they could so she could snuggle into the scarf around her neck with chattering teeth. It was also no surprise to find her in a not so fluffy but not so thin jacket that belonged to her father at one point (apparently very comfy as Laura had told her several times) and see her bounce up and down to find warmth. No she stook that back it was a surprise to her. It was even more of a surprise to see the bruises on her face. It reminded her of her own cut still healing that cut through her eyebrow, she was sure it'd scar.

Her eyebrows shot up in shock as she yanked Laura in slamming the door and locking it before turning to her and pressing hands to her face to inspect the bruises.

"Oh my god Laura! What were you doing out there? Don't you know how cold it is- how did you get theses?!" She exclaimed running gentle fingers beside the bruises careful not to touch, with a worried and concerned expression. She took a deep breath and watched Laura relax with a slight smile as Carmilla took her face in both of her hands turning Laura's head from side to side inspecting if there were other injuries. "What happened?" She asked almost guiltily that she hadn't been there to prevent them.

"Funny actually," Laura laughed nervously. "So I've been avoiding you for awhile you know, because like I didn't think you wanted to talk to me anymore as convinced as you were that I betrayed you like you thought I did, so I had my classes changed to give you space and-" Carmilla's expression turned sad causing her to pause for a minute but continued her talking. "-a-and I couldn't take it no more. So I grabbed my jakcet after I listened to that song you know- the one had me listen to? Anyways, grabbed my coat and decided to just come over till we talked about this because you mean so much to me, and I wasn't watching where I was going because I was thinking what to say and how to say it so I might have walked out in front of-"

Carmilla's eyes lit up with immediate concern and nearly ripped her jacket off in panic to assess the damage done to her. Before Laura knew it Carmilla had her shirt lifted up and watched as Carmilla's eyes softened in near relief that it wasn't anything series. She let Carmilla's hands run across her abdomen but to be sure. She winced a couple of times but it wasn't anything more than bruised ribs.

"-a group of bikers." Carmilla looked at her. "You know like bicycles?" Carmilla laughed at her. Only Laura, she thought as she let her hands settle on Laura's bare hips rubbing circles into the flesh. It was comforting to both. "So like-"

"I'm sorry." Carmilla interrupted, her eyes swarmed with sadness and regret. Laura scrunched her nose and held up a hand stopping her from continuing as she opened her mouth. Carmilla obeyed.

"It hurt you know, not the crash- well that hurt too but I mean what you said?" Carmilla's head dropped and Laura had to tilt her head up to look at her eyes. Just say it Hollis, she prepped herself. Tears filled her own eyes as she continued to talk but Carmilla's hands never her hips. "It really hurt damn it. I thought- I thought you didn't care anymore. I thought you were done with me and I avoided you because I thought I hurt you so you lashed out like you did. I knew I didn't but I thought I did so I beat myself up about it. Carm- I just care okay?" Carmilla looked confused so she continued. "I mean I more than care you know? I like care A LOT. Those stupid clothes you wear, that stupid lipstick you put on, that horrible t-shirt I got you that you still wear, those eyes, this skin, you know the common thing about them all?" Carmilla shook her head. "I love it all." Laura smiled to herself. "You were nasty with me and I should have stayed and convinced you but-"

"NO, Laura don't you dare blame yourself." She told her with a frustrated tone. She held Laura's face in her hands again and frowned. "It's all on me okay? I'm really not good with the feelings thing or whatever, but I swear to you this is all one me okay?"

"Can I finish?" She chuckled hold Carmilla's wrists in her hands to pull them away from her face. "I should have convinced you that I didn't mean that night as a nothing, cause it was a something to me. It was more than a something Carm. I- It's more than enough for me okay? If you want to be friends and that's all, but that night I thought we-" Carmilla's heart broke for her. "Look what I'm trying to say is-" Laura froze. She couldn't say it. The thought that Carmilla would even remotely reject her froze her where she stood in sudden terror at the thought. It was a night sure but maybe it was just that, a night and nothing more. What Carmilla just felt bad because she need her best friend back and that was it-

Before the thought could finish Carmilla cut her mind off and kissed her. Carmilla saw the way she froze and practically saw the thoughts form in her eyes and felt there was only way to prove her wrong, that Carmilla felt it was more, that that was the problem. That it was no longer a problem to her. So she kissed her deeply. It did shock Laura but she fell into it pushing her self into Carmilla turning the kiss from deep to passionate. It was funny that Carm had an addicting taste on her lips just about everytime she's taste them. She hadn't an idea what it was but it made her pull Carm in as close as humanly possible and deepen the kiss with more passion until they needed air. Carm pressed their foreheads together, never letting her hands remove from Laura, instead wrapping them around her neck as she kissed her forehead and smiled.

"So-"

"So I love you." Carmilla whispered against her forehead. She laughed as Laura pulled her closer. "I do, I'm shit at showing it though."

"I'm pretty sure saying it is a good first step." Carmilla chuckled, and Laura looked up at her as she leaned against the back of Carmilla's couch. "I love you too." Carmilla's smile grew big, the traces of unsure and timid hesitation gone.

"Can we start that night over?" It wasn't guilt anymore that guided her decision. It was the need to show Laura she was serious about it, and the need to feel her skin again without thought of what should be but will never be haunting either them. It was the need to just love her properly this time.

"Uhm- what do you mean?" Laura asked.

Carmilla gave her a short kiss before grabbing the hem of her shirt and slowly pulling it upward. Laura didn't move or say a thing as Carmilla paused when the shirt was just covering her eyes and arms, she leaned down gave a small kiss to Laura's kiss before removing the shirt completely. She smirked at the red showing on the younger girls cheeks and pressed herself into her. Laura's hand immediately settled on the back of the catch unsure of what to really do with them.

"Tell me when to stop, okay?" She whispered into her ear. Laura nodded and she smiled.

Carmilla nudged Laura's face to the side and placed a few kisses on her jaw causing Laura to hold in breath. She let her kisses trail to her neck and let them linger longer than she was sure they should have been before nipping at the skin lightly. Laura let out the breath and let her hands settle on Carmilla obviously making up her mind as she turned her head dipping in down then up to capture Carmilla's lips with her. She felt Carmilla smile again into it and let it go on as long as Carmilla let it before Carmilla pulled back and gave her a look of genuine care.

"I'm sorry." She told Laura  _hoping_  she'd believe her. Laura smiled and kissed her again.

"It's fine. Really." Carmilla looked unconvinced. "Take me out on a date and we're even then." Carmilla shook her head with laughed and nodded in agreement.

"You're unbelievable Hollis." She joked with a smile returning kiss and nips back to her jaw again.

"Mmm, Thanks. I think."

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr: 
> 
> http://darktonic.tumblr.com/
> 
> Also note that I haven't slept yet and I write this kinda stuff


End file.
